Bard Circle – 7th Aug 23

The topic for this Bard Circle was “Bovine”.  Ray offered up an impromptu ditty for us:

Rayven Firebrand:
Bovine bovine when I wake,
you light up my world for my morning break
you make me happy and my tummy quake
as I smell that juicy morning steak.

We then did some “On the fly story-telling”

Julala Demina: It was a day just like so many other days….the sun was shining…the clouds floating gently in the sky, the chickens scratching in the yard, the ducks gently quacking….the sheep were baaaing in the paddock and the cows were…..grunting????!!!! Wait what? the COWS WERE GRUNTING???? Farmer Joe looked confused and scratched his head…..

Rayven Firebrand: “Grunting cows? Grunting cows,” ponders the farmer further. What sort of dark magic is this? The farmer goes to the pasture to investigate the strange going ons when he comes face to face with a…

Ophelia Atheria: ….peculiar sight! Or rather, the sight of nothing at all! Yes, ladies and gentlemen! Farmer Joe saw absolutely nothing at all in his pasture! And yet, he continued to hear the sounds of grunting cows. For a few minutes, he stood there in disbelief, unable to make horns or tails of the situation. “What sorcery is this….,” Farmer Joe muttered once more, becoming further bewildered and suspicious.

Ulf L’Bean : Close to the trees, once cow looked at another. The spell had worked! Now with their cloaking spell activated, they could take over the farm, and emancipate the horned bretheren. Revolutionary cows! possible actual cow ninjas! This could not possibly go awry, having planned for weeks to gain control. They had even had to break into the local wizards tower,to steal a spell tome, and disguise the hoof prints and piles off poop (they managed somehow). Now they were set to take over and seize the lush pastures, However…

Jezebelle Queen : They’d left a calling card, a strange four-pointed star (in actuality an udder print from a careless sit-down), that would be their undoing. Running his finger over the strange print, the farmer scowled in consternation, unaware that an invisible cow butt was inches from his face! Until…

Julala Demina: brbrbrbrbrbrbbr……a loud farting noise rumbled in the air…..and suddenly Framer Joe’s face screwed up as the smell hit his nostrils…. His brow furrowed as he started to smell a rat… not a rat….WAY worse than a rat….but you know…he smelled a rat metaphorically……he just KNEW that Gertrude the sneaky bovine would be behind this….Gertrude and her fanciful ideas of…..

Rayven Firebrand: Bovine supremacy! the plan is in full affect because unbeknown to Farmer Joe, he was a victim to phase two of Gertrude’s master plan. The fart that she let loose in the face of farmer Joe was actually enchanted, because poor Joe suddenly lost complete control of his…

Ophelia Atheria: …ability to control his emotions~! At first, Farmer Joe didn’t really know what was going on; meaning what was happening to him. Of course he staggered a bit, coughing and wheezing, attempting to get air. But the more he struggled to breathe, the most he kept swallowing in that damnable fartchantment! “I’m goin’ to die,” Farmer Joe thought to himself! “This is the end! Er, wait, Gertrudes not like that. I’ve always taken care o- wait, guh, DAMN HER! SHE’S BEEF STEAKS NOW!” And when he thought that thought… ’twas the beginning of the end… he began to titter uncontrollably in laughter….

Ulf L’Bean : ….throwing his arms out, one of which hit the boistrous gertrude, where no arm should touch! With a startled grunt/moo she leapt away, into some of her compatriots. The problem was, of course, that they were invisible. Cue the sound of cows flying all over, like huge meaty bowling pins. Cows everywhere! cows running through fences! cows hurled through the air! Cows in ninja masks skidding acros the grass, losing their grip on their cowtana sword. Utter chaos ensued, as some of the bovine bolivars were now pretty sure the spell hadn’t worked, and joe could see them.
Gertrude yelled “VIVA LA REVMOOTION!” to rally her friends, when suddenly…

Jezebelle Queen: The spell wore off! A now-visible Gertrude mid-headbutt careening forward toward Farmer Joe, but smacking headlong into her revolutionary sister who’d invisibly gotten in the way! “Curses!” mooed the multi-tailed cow, gallumphing away in defeat and vowing to get her revenge. “This isn’t over, Farmer Joe! The Cows Will Rise!” she bellowed as she ran. Farmer joe scratched his head as the other cows stood, some of them trying to play dumb with ninja masks still on. The revomootion foiled, for now, The farmer just chuckled uncontrollably as the “laughing gas” began to wear off too. “Silly ole cows. I got no beef with you.”

The (rear?) END

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