Bard Circle 13th Nov 2023

Our topic for today was “Snails”!

Snails by Jezebel 

In the garden I spy a trail
And following it I find a snail
“Munch my cabbages?!” I start to yell
“Not on my watch!” I’ll send ‘em to hell!

Off I run to rummage my shed
Searching for something to make molluscs dead
Alas as the stock of my tools I did take
All I came up with was a sad rusty rake

But rake them I shall! I tittered with glee
I’ll rake them right out, and then they’ll see!
So thwack and wack, I did attack,
And soon my garden snails did lack

But drat… I sent the cabbages along with them.

Ulf L’Bean :

Crunchy on the outside, but softer underneath
With four wonky eyes and a face full of teeth.
They prowl round your garden, thinking lettuce is quite lush,
Fearing most large creatures, especially the thrush.

In France they are a meal, cooked with garlic and black pepper
The french are good at cooking, so you’d think that they’d know better
Snails move quite slowly, much slower than a laser,
if you eat one you will find, it is like chewing an erazer.

So our slimy crunchy chewy friend are disliked far and wide
Children put them into jars, and keep them trapped inside
But they’ve been on the earth for many million years
which is really an achievement for a mollusck with no ears.

кιţţєη L’вєaη: Eunice the Snail

Eunice was out picking up her groceries. On her way to the Robins Nest Post Office, she passed the ladybug nursery that was out for recess, then the ants on the caterpillar bus heading to leaf town to collect breadcrumbs from beneath the local Bird Table Cafe.

Rounding the corner, Eunice spotted young butterflies from the ballet school, stretching their wings, in preparation for their show tonight.

Eventually, she reached the Beeswax Boutique, where she bought a large jar of royal jelly and a new suede cloth, then made her way home.

That evening, after a long soak in a nectar bath, she polished her shell with the royal jelly till it shone.

Rayven Firebrand: 

flash of lightning here and there is all you’ll see of Zippy Snail. A trail of slime he leaves behind as he races through both thought and time.

Julala: Snails with sails

So Fergus needed to get to the post office and he needed to be there fast! He needed to get his application sent for the job of special lettuce taster at the potager. It was the perfect job for him.

The problem though is that on Mondays the Post Office closes early and he has about 30 mins to get to town and he knows that it will take him at least 3 hours to get there au natural.

Sobbing he hardly noticed Timothy toad hopping up the driveway “Goodness Fergus, whatever is wrong!”

Fergus looked up and sniveled, a little run of slime dripping from his nose. “I need to get to town quickly” he sobbed and I just know I can’t do it!

“Oh” Timothy put his thinking cap on and just a minute or two later he smiled a while mouthed smile.

“I have the perfect solution” he grinned “You need a sail!”

Fergus blinked “A saaaail” he said his face lighting up! “Let’s do it!”.

All sorts of sounds could be heard from the snail shed for the next 5 minutes. Banging and zipping, stretching and squeaking. And after 5 minutes…..the doors flew open and out from the creative den came fergus with a HUGE white sail hoisted above his shell.

“Now get yourself into the direction of the wind” urged Timothy as Fergus wiggled slowly into position. And there, the wind caught the silk of the sail and it billowed into a balloony wedge of pure mastery! And sure enough… Fergus’ slime oozed onto the road and the wind caught the sail he started off down the road on his way.

The wind picked up and so did Fergus’ speed! faster and faster he went “wooohoooooo” – his eyes on stalks flapping in the wind he could hardly see where he was going. He felt like he was flying – this must be what it feels like to be a bird he pondered…..What bliss….what freedom……what wonderf……



Timothy watched on in horror from afar as the Toyota drove on after squishing poor Fergus into the asphalt.

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