Bard Circle – 18th September 2023

We had a themed improv Bard Circle today and the topic chosen was “Armor”

The Dragonslayer’s Armor
By Jezebelle Queen

A knightly figure in shining mail
Rode a steed most grand
To fight a dragon red of scale
That terrorized the land

The dragon’s breath was fiery hot
Infernos it did cough
The armor glowed red as they fought
His plate he had to doff

The chainmail he wore underneath
Did dissipate the heat
But ‘gainst the dragon’s claws and teeth
His chain was quickly beat

The knight fought on, in padded clothes
Which didn’t last long either
But he struck his foe a telling blow
And took a little breather

He claimed his trophy from the hoard
The drake’s scaly hide he did flay
In hopes new armor to afford,
Cuz he rode out naked as a jay.

尺σммîє L’вєaη :

Heavy is the Armour against his bones
Heavy is the fear as he stumbles over stones
Protected in the silver shell
Protected to keep him well
Loud is the Armour’s clatter
Loud but it keeps his bones from shatter
Heavy is the fear that wraps his soul
Heavy is the Armour that keeps him whole

Fenris Excalibur (fenris.ash):

They say that armor must be metal
And I say that’s not true at all
for if you step out in a rainstorm
alas, you may rust and fall

For those who need further protection
I say you need a softer form
For if you need to use your sword
you must wrap it to keep it warm ;P

Different sorts By Ulfnir Winterwolf:

Armour can be many things, a harness of plate, a shield, or the veil of strength you draw around yourself when the world is set against you.
It can deflect the blades and arrows of your enemies, or stop their barbed words from sinking into your soul.
Just because you are not physically strong, or able to take up arms, you don’t need to fear.
For if your mind is made of steely stuff, words which would otherwise sting, will bounce away like rain on stone.
People make the mistake that protection is just for the stalwart among us, those that stand with their legs braced and their swords held high as foes descend.
The fierce, the mighty, riteously hewing about themselves in a welter of blood.
There are other types of armour that offer as much aid as a maile shirt, a helmet, gauntlets and greaves.
The strength of will to let fell words and deeds slide away, akin to silk over skin, are softer but just as strong.

Chins by Julala Demina:

How does a slug wear armour?
it’s an interesting question
does it slip and slide on it’s slippery hide?
plus…how to secure when it doesn’t have a chin?

How does a frog wear armour?
I mean….the same slippery issue
maybe they use armour glue…
because frogs also….have no chin

How does a worm wear armour?
you know where I’m going with this right?
yes…another slippery slimey critter
with absolutely….NO CHIN!

How does a snake wear armour?
yes, this is getting old now…
but you know this question is important
if we had an army with no chins

we’ll go to war with an army of worms,
or an army of frogs,
or an army of slugs and snakes….
the army of no chins…NEVER WINS!

Tori Landau:

In shining armour the knight stood still,
In a pose that made fair maidens feel quite ill.
His armour kept him safe as he stood upon the hill,
Waiting for the dragon he must kill.

Dawn’s light did appear and twas soon a hot day,
Several hours the knight did wait until he heard his horse neigh,
Then the dragon appeared above and all the knight could do was pray,
Too soon the battle was over and the knight had lost; to heaven he was on his way.

A goblin haiku by кιţţєη L’вєaη (jayde.askari)

He wants to be brave
Shiny armour was his dream
He robbed a castle

The Armour of Amusia by Lil Cinnamon

Once, in the town of Ridikulus, one day an armour appeared, known as the Armour of Amusia. Legend had it that whoever wore this armour would be granted a super power. The catch? The super power always came with an often inconvenient twist.

First, it came into the hands of Sir Bumble, the bravest knight in all of Ridikulus. Upon wearing the armour, Sir Bumble found that he could fly, a dream of many. To his dismay, though, whenever he soared high into the air, his armour would become ticklish, causing him to squirm and giggle uncontrollably. This resulted in more crashes than graceful landings. Sir Bumble, feeling utterly silly, tossed the armor into a bush along the forest path.

So the armour stayed there til it was found by Lady Whisk, the forest witch. As she tried the garment on, the armour granted her the ability to turn invisible. The twist? Only her body would turn invisible, but not her clothes, defeating the whole purpose of her invisibility. She quickly grew tired of the armour and decided to hand it to someone else.

The armour then found its way to Tomlin the bard. He discovered he could now sing any song flawlessly. But whenever he performed, his pants would comically dance on their own, often waltzing away from him in the middle of his song. His concerts turned into laughing riots, but not for the reasons he had hoped. Humiliated, he too decided to get rid of the armour.

And so, the Armour of Amusia traveled from one person to another, each hoping for a gift and each ending up with a hilarious problem instead. Soon enough, the armour ended abandoned in the middle of a meadow.

Then, one day, a curious bunny named Muffin stumbled upon the armour, as he was looking for snacks. Muffin, being an inquisitive creature, decided to try it on. To Muffin’s surprise, the armor resized to fit him perfectly. The superpower granted? The ability to produce an unlimited supply of carrots. But, true to its nature, the armor had a twist: the carrots would always have a comedic, often inconvenient, shape or size. Some fat as watermelons, some tiny as cherry tomatoes, some tall like celery, and others squirmy like spaghettis. But carrots all the same.

For humans, this might have been a problem. But for Muffin? It was a paradise. Comically long carrots, curly carrots, giant carrots – Muffin loved them all. And soon, Muffin’s burrow became a place of gathering. Animals from all around came to laugh, play, and munch on the peculiar carrots.

And so, the Armour of Amusia finally came to find it’s rightful place, making Muffin the bunny, famous for his unique and tasty carrot produce.

The end.

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