Bard Circle 23th Oct 2023

Today we came up with some creative expressions of:  Vampires …..followed by Slime!  We took around 15-20 minutes to write for each topic.

By Jezebelle Queen

Of all the monsters on the screen,
It’s vampires that I pity
For not to sound too terribly mean,
Their lot is kinda sh*tty

To garlic they are quite averse
And I could scarcely find
A fate in life (or death) that’s worse
Garlicky foods are all the best kinds!

And sunlight too, they do abhor
As denizen of the night
To enjoy a summer’s day no more
Would seem an awful plight

And silver burns them to the touch
Well there goes my aesthetic
At least they still have pearls to clutch
But that just sounds pathetic

And so to be a bloodsucker
I don’t think I’ll endeavor
It’d make my strange fresh neck wound pucker
To live like this forever.

Fenris Excalibur:

One never thought that a vampire would eat anything except blood, however Kieran had to get bit by a vegetarian vampire. She wasn’t sure why this particular vampire thought she was anything but a red-blooded human, but there she was, in the carrot costume that halloween party being dragged into the darkroom for an impromptu necking session.

She didn’t think anything was wrong, even the hickey was normal for that heated embrace, until she got to dinner with her parents the next night. Her father had grilled amazing porterhouse, cooked perfectly, something she normally tucked into with gusto.

Not that night. The smell and sight sent her stomach rolling, and she politely declined her portion, instead electing for double squash and cauliflower.

After reassuring her family that she wasn’t pregnant, that it was just a health thing, she excused herself and went to find that veggiepire and drive a beanstalk through his heart.


the vampire tramped along the path
wearing a nifty sort of sash
“oh oh hee hee ha ha ho ho!” said he
feeling hunger burn beneath his glee

a young woman he stopped
and of her he chomped,
delightedly sucking her dry
so fast not a soul heard her cry

wobbling now down through the town
stretching the poor sash of brown
“creak creak tear tear rip rip POP POP!”
And for a sash he must again shop.

Julala Demina:

Norman was a vampire
but….poor norman a problem he had
no ordinary vampire was he…
for he hated the sight of blood!

He was teased and pranked
seen as a failure amongst his peers
the taunts were shameless
and poor old Norman was often in tears

His days were spent sleepless
and his nights were not the best
he was often left hungry
his predicament was a mighty test

Unable to look, he’d often miss his prey
and before he knew it they had run away
he’d stumble and fall like a fool
and all in the search for a decent meal

But then one day Norman found a fix
and for certain it brought a entertaining twist
for Norman found he could look at the blood
when it was mixed up with a bit of mud!

So in this discovery he found his salvation
no longer the joke of the vampire nation
he started a new trend – and was the one to admire
for now he was the finest and first mud wrestling vampire!

Lil Cinnamon :

There once was a vampire called Christina who was vegetarian. Instead of craving blood like all other vampires, she had a special love for tomatoes. One night, a rogue vampire threatened the village, so Christina hunted him down, armed with a basket full of her best ripe and joosy tomatoes. Chasing him up and down the village streets, she threw tomatoes at him yelling “EAT…. YOUR.. VEGGIES!!!” The rogue, all covered up in tomato puree and smelling of tomato juice, fled in embarrasment. From that day on, Christina was known as the Transylvania’s Tomato Queen. The end.

By Jezebelle Queen

I cleaned my bathroom
Scraped the grime,
And when I was done
I had some slime

Thought I, well
Maybe this is fine
The makings of a
Prime mealtime

But though I tried
To save a dime
By munching on
A bowl of slime

I couldn’t add enough
Sage nor thyme
To mask away
The taste of lime

To say nothing of the texture. Blech.

Fenris Excalibur :

Armed with her beanstalk, Kieran retraced her steps to look for the fiend that had ruined her life. She smelled something quite rank and musty, and she followed her nose to the community garden. There she spied the veggiepire slurping merrily away on an eggplant, his face covered with slime from eyebrows to chin.

“Norman!” she bellowed, raising the beanstalk like a javelin. “I miss steak!”

He snarled, his lamprey-like jaws full of masticated ground goo opening wider as he saw her. He didn’t stand a chance as she hurled the beanstalk with force.

It struck true, and he exploded in a blast of veggie slime.

Julala Demina:

Slime slime wonderful slime
better then gunge and better than grime
slime is so slimey its simply the best
slime is simply the most sublime.

Slime slime wonderful slime
better than bogeys and better then puss
slime is just better than most things
so there nothing much more to discuss!


Beware of slime
you never know when it might come alive
to eat your soul, or perhaps your toe
or your Uncle Sven,
or your imaginary friend,
whatever you get the picture.

Lil Cinnamon:

In Slimeworld, there was Slimetown, and in a very slimey street of Slimetown, lived Simon the slime dog.
One day, as Simon was playing with his slimeball in Slimetown’s park, a gust of wind carried the ball to a puddle of super sticky slime. Simon eagerly lunged at it, but instead of getting the ball, he found himself stuck in the puddle with the ball just out of reach.

A crowd of slimekids gathered around, giggling as they watched Simon’s comical attempts to free himself. Just as Simon was about to give up, Sally, a friendly slimecat from the next street, approached. She extended her slimy tail, wrapping it around the slimeball and slowly pulled it closer to Simon.

Simon bubbled in appreciation, trying to wag his tail, but it just jiggled in the super sticky puddle.  With a clever idea, Sally darted off and returned with a leaf from a slick-slime tree. She laid it next to Simon, allowing him to slide onto it, and with a strong tug, she pulled him free.  The two chuckled, and with Simon’s slimeball safely in his mouth, they became friends and continued to play in sticky slimey wobbly Slimetown.

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